Tag Archive: observations


As a semi-professional drive who makes their living be driving, I’ve noticed a few things. The most obvious is that entirely too many people do not know how to drive properly. They make a lot of mistakes and if yo are not paying attention at all times, you can easily end up in a collision or pile up. To avoid this, I offer a tongue-in-cheek how-to guide for the best ways to crack up. If you follow this advise I promise that sooner or later you will be in an accident but since you wee the one driving in the following ways, you also will be to blame. Have fun in court. Oh, and be sure to employ a crooked lawyer. You’ll need it. Ok, here goes…

On the subject of speed…

  • Remember that speed limits are really just suggestions. If no one else is around feel free to drive as fast as you want. Don’t worry. No one will ever enter from a side street.
  • When you see a red light ahead there is no reason to slow down. The signal knows you are coming and when you get closer to it, it will change for you. So speed towards it.
  • Driving bumper to bumper is advisable at all speeds. So go ahead and fly at someone at high speed. They won’t stop or slow down, ever!
  • Driving at high speeds with your foot on the brake routinely is a positive sign that the car is still on. It’s being courteous to the driver behind and letting them know the car is still in operation.

On the subject of Turning

  • While you might not have known it, Turn Signals actually turn the car, not the steering wheel. That steering wheel story is just a myth.
  • No one but no one is ever supposed to know where their turn is. When you see it, you turn.
  • Always, always switch three lanes at once on the highway. It’s a cardinal rule.
  • Another cardinal rule is that you never pass only one car when you can pass two at once.
  • Naturally if you can cut someone off within a block or two of your turn, you do it. There’s extra points giving if you do it with only half a block left.
  • When you see a cement inter-median and the place you want to be is one the other side, you don’t have to drive to the corner, you simply cross over it. It might be a little bumpy but go ahead and do it.
  • Of course when you see a giant puddle in your lane and you can simply go around it, you don’t. You hydro-plane through it.

In closing…remember this…

  • The feud between Chevy and Ford is real! You will be required to take a side.

  • If the car you drive in is not an American brand it is not a car.

  • Getting tickets are badges of honor.

  • Totaling your car is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s really just being initiated.

Safe Driving!?! Don’t forget if you want to be safe-do the opposite of everything here.

Remember it’s a dangerous world out there in driver-land. Be safe. Follow the rules set down in your real driver’s guide book. You don’t want your car to look like these.

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There are people of all sorts on trains and today (12-12-15) is no exception. Watching your fellow passengers can be most entertaining as long as they don’t realize you’re watching. Let me explain.

Take today for instance. It’s the second train of the day and people are piling on as if it were the last of the night. Seated before me is a medium-aged senior totally engrossed with the racing form. As it turns out, he’s a regular. He has a discussion with the conductor about another regular racing aficionado who left his gold racing card on the train by accident. The conductor is holding on to it but he hasn’t seen the man in a while. It’s no surprise when the passenger gets off at Arlington Park Race Track.

Then there’s the family who never takes the train but who’s afraid they’ll be bored and so brings every electronic form of entertainment known to man in order to avoid communicating with each other.

There’s a man with his nose stuck in a book and another who squiggles with his stylist on what looks like a Nintendo DS. Perhaps he too is recording what his fellow passengers are doing.

Two women across from me have been talking non-stop since they got on and that’s been nine stations already. There’s no sign that they’ll run out of things to talk about. If I didn’t have earbuds in listening to Frank Sinatra I’d most likely know their life’s stories.

Across from me on my top deck perch is another regular. She’s always worried the conductor will forget to take her money and today is no different. Even after she has her ticket she follows him with her eyes every time he goes by. Maybe she just has a thing for conductors? Still, she does wear a wedding band. I guess a man in uniform is an exception to the rule.

I always come across the group that comes aboard and talks so loud you want to put the old library sign up about being quiet. Likewise I find the vacationer who obviously has never been on a train in their life and brings enough luggage aboard to clothe the whole car. They practically bring a steamer trunk aboard and they wonder where they’ll put it. I wonder too.

Occasionally, and it’s getting more and more rare, you’ll find the dreamer who gazes out the window and actually enjoys the passing scenery. They have that whimsical look in their eye and I sometimes wish I could go where they are. It looks like a nice place.

It used to be that newspapers were king. These days the most popular devise on the train is the cell phone. It has many uses. Such as being a music player. From my own experiences I’ll admit I use it to drown out the cacophony of voices coming from all angles. It’s a camera for those all important selfies to remind us twenty years from now on Facebook where we were, who with and what we looked like. Both of those uses have some validity but there are other devises designed for those purposes. The biggest use for the cell phone is sending text messages to other people and avoiding talking to the people you came with who are seated in front of you. The reality is, why would you talk to someone right in front of you if you can text someone else?

Of course there are surprises. Like the little girl playing tic-tac-toe with Grandma. Funny how that came to pass since it was only fifteen minutes ago that she was busy fighting with her little brother. The conductor needed to break that one up. Strange power that man has. He asked once and the fight was over. Grandma and Grandpa asked and the children were deaf. Does that mean the conductor is a miracle worker who can restore hearing? I guess so.

Depending on how far the passenger has to go and what time of day it is you’ll see some strange commuter sights only found on the train.

This early morning I find a woman putting her makeup on. Her arms are shock absorbers that go up and down as we bump along the rails. She’s a pro who doesn’t smudge her mascara. She’s also a procrastinator or why else would she be doing this on the train?

Of course I have the man sleeping with his head on the window as a pillow. In the winter this sleeping arrangement becomes difficult fast. Since it’s December I wonder if his face is numb to the cold. Mine would be freezing. I touch the window and immediately bring it back. It needs warming.

And you see train passengers come in all forms. They dress in business professional style, sporting gear, casual and even pajamas. They come in large groups, as a couple or a loaner. They need one stop, half or all the way into the city. Work or pleasure is their objective. They either take the train to save money, avoid the hassle of rush-hour and the hell of parking or because it simply is the most convenient. Training is for some an acquired taste, for others a way of life and still others an adventure. It’s not for everyone but it is one of the oldest forms of transportation that continues to bring wonder to many a rider. If you haven’t taken a train before I encourage you to take a ride. It may not be for you or it could be a life changer.

ALL ABOARD!!!

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